Category: News

Free Advanced Practice Workshop for facilitators in 2019

Parents Plus are inviting PP Facilitators to a FREE Advanced Practice Workshop in 2019 to cater specifically for more experienced facilitators.

The workshop will focus on further developing group facilitation skills, effective programme set-up and delivery, managing challenges, and strengths based engagement with parents.

  • When is the workshop: Thursday, 21st March 2019 – 1.30pm – 4pm
  • Location: ClareCare, Harmony Row, Ennis, Co Clare
  • Cost: Free to attend for PP Facilitators

To book a place on this Advanced Practice Workshop, book online below under additional training.

If you’ve any other queries about this workshop, please email eileen@parentsplus.ie 

Order Parent Booklets

Once you have added all your purchases to the basket please proceed to the checkout.
Alternatively, you can checkout at any time using the basket top right of the screen.

Book Now – Group Supervision Training coming up

Order Parent Booklets

Once you have added all your purchases to the basket please proceed to the checkout.
Alternatively, you can checkout at any time using the basket top right of the screen.

 

Group supervision training sessions are a great opportunity for you to meet with your colleagues, reflect on your experiences of running Parents Plus groups thus far, and access support to improve your practice.

The goals of the workshops are to:

  • Support facilitators to get PP groups up and running in their services
  • Support programme delivery
  • Consult on specific challenges/group facilitation skills
  • Provide information on the Parents Plus Accreditation process

Become a Parents Plus Champion Facilitator in 2019

In order to recognise the many facilitators and agencies who continue to deliver the Parent Plus programmes in a sustained quality way, Parents Plus are identifying a number of ‘champion’ facilitators, who will be eligible for extra support and supervision, as well as reduced cost training and programme materials.

Details about how to apply to become a Champion Facilitator are below.

Benefits of becoming a Parents Plus Champion

  • Receive extra support and supervision from Parents Plus Trainers to deliver your services to families.
  • Access to lower cost programme booklets, supervision and additional training.
  • Be eligible to apply for a discount on Parents Plus training for colleagues in your agency (who are going to co-facilitate groups).
  • Be recognised as delivering a quality service in your community.
  • Receive a special certificate from Parents Plus to recognise your champion status for the year you receive it.

Discounts for Parents Plus Champions

  • 1 free supervision session annually
  • 25 % discount on Parent booklets
  • 25% discount on additional Parents Plus training
  • 25% discount on facilitator training for colleagues in your agency who can act as co-facilitators
  • Discounts are available for the duration of champion status (e.g. 1/1/2019 – 31/12/2019)
  • Parents Plus reserve the right to vary discount rates at any point.

Criteria for becoming a Parents Plus champion

To become a champion facilitator you need to be:

  • Delivering one of the Parents Plus programmes at least two times a year.
  • Following the Parents Plus Quality Protocol as you deliver the programmes.
  • Be an accredited facilitator or be working towards accreditation.
  • Have run a Parents Plus programme at least twice in the preceding 18 months and have plans to run one twice in the next 18 months.
  • Be prepared to return to Parents Plus audit data on groups run (e.g. anonymised parent course review forms at the end of each group).
  • Have the full support of management in your agency re: becoming a Parents Plus Champion Facilitator.
  • Be prepared for you and your agency to be identified as a Parents Plus Champion on the Parents Plus website and within our social media communications.

Other Information

  • Parents Plus invite joint applications from co-facilitators in an agency delivering groups together, though individual applications will be considered also.
  • Champion status is awarded on a yearly basis and it can be renewed annually, once the facilitator(s) continues to meet the criteria above.
  • You are eligible to apply if you are working within an agency that has open referral for families (e.g. advertised to the public) and within specialist agencies with internal referral only (e.g. CAMHS and disability settings).

Application Process

To apply to become a Champion Facilitator 2019 please complete the short application form HERE and email it to siobhan@parentsplus.ie

The closing date for applications for the coming year is Thursday, 30th January 2019.

 

 

Free Supervision Offer for Trained Facilitators in the Parents Plus Programmes

We are always delighted to keep in touch with facilitators and hear about how the groups are going, the things that are working well and any of the challenges. We would like to support you in continuing to run good quality groups for parents and young people attending your service. Over the next period (until the end of Feb. 2019), we are offering free Supervision Sessions by phone or Skype/Facetime/Zoom.

These supervision sessions are available to individual facilitators, co-facilitating pairs or small groups of practitioners delivering the PP programmes within a service. You may be running or have recently run a group, or you and your colleagues may be aiming to get Parents Plus off the ground again in your service, or you may be a newly trained facilitator wanting support in getting started.

The PP Supervision Session focuses on helping practitioners:

  • Develop skills in effective programme delivery
  • Recruit participants for your groups and keep them coming each week
  • Develop a reflective practice approach
  • Improve group facilitation skills
  • Deal well with challenges
  • Use participant feedback effectively
  • Problem-solve any issues arising from the groups

To apply to avail of one of these free Supervision Sessions please email Eileen Brosnan at eileen@parentsplus.ie asap with the below details.

If you are applying on behalf of yourself and a co-facilitator or small group in your agency please include all names. We will then get in touch to arrange a suitable time-slot for you. These slots are limited, so we would encourage you to get in touch soon to secure a session.

Name:
Contact number:
Email:
Agency/service:
Which PP programmes are you trained in?

How many groups have you run so far since you were trained?

Are you currently running a programme? Give details of programme, start and finish dates, numbers etc.

What is your main goal for the Supervision Session?

Book Parents Plus Programme Training for 2019

Bookings are now taking place for the Parents Plus programme trainings in 2019.

You can book below for the programme that you are interested in.

Parents Plus Early Years Programme (PPEY)

A parenting course to promote confidence, learning and positive behaviour in children aged 1 to 6 years.
3-day Training and Programme Materials – €730
3-day Training Place only (for those who wish to re-use previously purchased Programme Materials or are sharing one set of Programme Materials with another trainee) – €430
Parent Booklets – pack of 15 parent booklets that can be used afterwards with parents groups and includes worksheets and handouts – €120

Facilitator Materials

You may only purchase programme materials without training if you are a facilitator who already has been trained or belong to an agency with staff already trained. Please provide the name of the trained facilitator below.

Facilitator Details

Approximate date in which the course was attended:

Order Parent Booklets

  • EY Parents Book
    EY Parent Booklets Pack (contains 15 booklets)
    € 120
    per pack
  • EY Programme Materials
    € 500
    per pack
Once you have added all your purchases to the basket please proceed to the checkout.
Alternatively, you can checkout at any time using the basket top right of the screen.

Parents Plus Children’s Programme (PPCP)

A parenting course to promote confidence, learning and positive behaviour in children aged 6 to 11 years.
3-day Training and Programme Materials – €730
3-day Training Place only (for those who wish to re-use previously purchased Programme Materials or are sharing one set of Programme Materials with another trainee) – €430
Parent Booklets – pack of 15 parent booklets that can be used afterwards with parents groups and includes worksheets and handouts – €120

Facilitator Materials

You may only purchase programme materials without training if you are a facilitator who already has been trained or belong to an agency with staff already trained. Please provide the name of the trained facilitator below.

Facilitator Details

Approximate date in which the course was attended:

Order Parent Booklets

  • CP Parents Book - cover 2016
    Childrens Programme Parent Booklets Pack (contains 15 booklets)
    € 120
    per pack
  • Children’s Programme Materials
    € 500
    per pack
Once you have added all your purchases to the basket please proceed to the checkout.
Alternatively, you can checkout at any time using the basket top right of the screen.

Parents Plus Adolescent’s Programme (PPAP)

A parenting course to promote effective communication and positive relationships in families with adolescents aged 11 to 16 years.
3-day Training and Programme Materials – €730
3-day Training Place only (for those who wish to re-use previously purchased Programme Materials or are sharing one set of Programme Materials with another trainee) – €430
Parent Booklets – pack of 15 parent booklets that can be used afterwards with parents groups and includes worksheets and handouts – €120

Facilitator Materials

You may only purchase programme materials without training if you are a facilitator who already has been trained or belong to an agency with staff already trained. Please provide the name of the trained facilitator below.

Facilitator Details

Approximate date in which the course was attended:

Order Parent Booklets

  • AP Parents Book - cover 2016
    Adolescent’s Programme Parent Booklets Pack (contains 15 booklets)
    € 120
    per pack
  • Adolescent’s Programme Materials
    € 500
    per pack
Once you have added all your purchases to the basket please proceed to the checkout.
Alternatively, you can checkout at any time using the basket top right of the screen.

Working Things Out Programme (WTO)

A CBT based youth mental health programme that can be used with small groups of adolescents to build coping capacity, promote positive emotional health and to support them in overcoming specific problems.
2-day Training and Programme Materials – €590
2-day Training Place only (for those who wish to re-use previously purchased Programme Materials or are sharing one set of Programme Materials with another trainee) – €290

Facilitator Materials

You may only purchase programme materials without training if you are a facilitator who already has been trained or belong to an agency with staff already trained. Please provide the name of the trained facilitator below.

Facilitator Details

Approximate date in which the course was attended:

Order Parent Booklets

  • Working Things Out Programme Materials
    € 500
    per pack
Once you have added all your purchases to the basket please proceed to the checkout.
Alternatively, you can checkout at any time using the basket top right of the screen.

Parents Plus – Parenting When Separated (PPPWS)

A practical and positive six-week course for parents who are preparing for, going through or have gone through a separation or divorce.
2-day Training and Programme Materials – €490 (facilitator manual and parent booklet only, no DVD with this programme)
2-day Training Place only (for those who wish to re-use previously purchased Programme Materials or are sharing one set of Programme Materials with another trainee) – €290
Parent Booklets –pack of 15 parent booklets that can be used in parents groups, includes worksheets and handouts – €120

Facilitator Materials

You may only purchase programme materials without training if you are a facilitator who already has been trained or belong to an agency with staff already trained. Please provide the name of the trained facilitator below.

Facilitator Details

Approximate date in which the course was attended:

Order Parent Booklets

  • PWS Programme Materials
    € 200.00
    per pack
  • PWS Parents Book cover
    Parenting when Separated Parent Booklets Pack (contain 15 booklets)
    € 120
    per pack
Once you have added all your purchases to the basket please proceed to the checkout.
Alternatively, you can checkout at any time using the basket top right of the screen.

Parents Plus Supervision, Accreditation and additional training

If you wish to find out more about additional Parents PLus training, supervision sessions and accreditation click here.

Order Parent Booklets

Once you have added all your purchases to the basket please proceed to the checkout.
Alternatively, you can checkout at any time using the basket top right of the screen.

Job Vacancy: Marketing and Communications Manager – Job Share

Applications are invited for the position of Marketing Communications Manager (Job Share)

Flexible and varied role for an organized marketing professional. Part-time, permanent.

Parents Plus, a leading Irish Charity, seeks an organized marketing professional to work closely with the CEO within a small, dynamic, and friendly team. You will bring your communication and organizational skills to this varied role which offers a great opportunity to make a contribution to the mission of Parents Plus, improving outcomes for families at a national and international level. Overlap with your job-share colleague ensures a smooth operation of the Parents Plus office and marketing communications.

This post is a job share role. Flexibility within the need of the organization is encouraged.  Previous experience of working in a marketing communications environment would be an advantage.

Responsibilities include:

  • Service development: Development of post-training services to Parents Plus facilitators (the local support networks and support forums) in conjunction with the Parents Plus trainers/ supervisors.
  • Business development: Marketing and sales of the Parents Plus Programmes to new and existing services including those in state agencies such as Tusla or the HSE.
  • Events Management for the Parents Plus national conference and training programme for facilitators.
  • Marketing Content Creation: such as supporting the preparation and production of training materials, event materials and development of the Parents’ Plus websites.
  • Digital campaign management: including the design, development and execution of campaigns using email, social media and other marketing channels to achieve Parents Plus’ goals.
  • Grant proposals: Support the preparation of grant applications and training proposals for national, state and semi-state bodies.
  • Networking: Representing Parents Plus at policy groups with key partners such as Tusla and the HSE.
  • Operations: In conjunction with the CEO, overseeing the development and implementation of clear operational procedures for Parents Plus.
  • Supporting and assisting the CEO in the running of the charity.
  • Scope to develop the role and procedures.
  • Any other duties or projects to further the work of Parents Plus as deemed necessary by the Parents Plus CEO and Board.

Your Skills:

  • 2+ years’ experience in one or more of the following areas: marketing, fundraising and administration
  • Formal studies in marketing or business
  • Excellent written and verbal communication skills to communicate with a range of stakeholders
  • Experienced with word processing and spreadsheets (such as MS Office)
  • Great people skills and a team player with a positive attitude.
  • Detail-oriented, accurate, organised, good reasoning and analytical skills
  • Excellent time-management skills, ability to manage multiple tasks, prioritise projects and meet deadlines
  • An appreciation of the work and mission of the Parents Plus Charity
  • Growth mindset: a desire to learn and develop within the organization
  • Knowledge of Salesforce CRM would be an advantage

Conditions

This role reports to the CEO and is envisaged as a job-share role 3 days week, with one day / half-day overlap with your job-share colleague for smooth operation.  Based in Dublin 7 near Mater Hospital.  It may therefore suit a more experienced and/or a candidate in search of a flexible and rewarding role.

Requires work outside of regular office hours a few times a year (early morning meetings with advance notice).

6 months’ probation

Candidates must have capacity/permission to reside and work in the EU

€25,000- €36,000 (pro rata) depending on skills.

How to Apply

Please complete an application form and email with a covering letter to grainne@parentsplus.ie.   Applications from agencies will not be considered.

Closing date for applications is 5pm on 8th November.

Interviews are due to take place on Thursday 15th November

Parents Plus is an equality opportunities employer.

Introduction to Parents Plus – Dublin 13/09/18

Parents Plus is hosting a free introductory seminar in Dublin in September 2018:PP FB image

  • Introductory Event, 13th September 2018 – 2:30-4:30pm, Dublin
  • Free to attend, registration required below

This seminar is suitable for both practitioners and service managers who want to gain an understanding of the five Parents Plus programmes and how they can best be implemented within individual services. Samples of each programme will be presented as well as the evidence base along with a number of implementation strategies for getting the programmes off the ground both within individual services and larger organisations.

The session is free but has a limited number of places. To book a place, please add attendees and their details below. Note when booking, click the invoice option on payment and you will not be charged.

Registration

 

About Parents Plus Programmes

The Parents Plus Programmes are evidence-based parenting courses designed to support and empower parents to manage and solve discipline problems, to create satisfying and enjoyable family relationships and to help children and young people grow up and reach their full potential. The original Parents Plus Programme was developed in 1998 and since then five flagship programmes have been developed targeting different age groups and contexts.

  • The Early Years Programme for parents of children aged 1 to 6.
  • The Children’s Programme for parents of children aged 6 to 11.
  • The Adolescent’s Programme for parents of adolescents aged 11 to 16.
  • The Working Things Out Programme targeted at adolescents aged 11-16.
  • The Parenting when Separated Programme targeted at parents who are preparing for, going through or have gone through a separation and divorce.

All Parents Plus programmes are evidence-based approaches and currently nineteen  studies attest to their effectiveness in clinical and specialist settings. They are delivered as structured courses with small groups of parents, children and adolescents utilising DVD input, handouts, group exercises and homework and are delivered within a solution-focused collaborative facilitation model. The Parents Plus charity has an established  ‘train the trainer’ process to empower professionals and community leaders to deliver the programmes in their agencies and local areas.

Parents Plus in Disability Settings – 11/06/2018

Workshop – Monday 11th June 9:00am-1:30pm, Lucan Spa Hotel Co Dublin

Providing parenting groups is an important part of service delivery within disability settings.  Such groups can provide parents with group support as well as access to specialist interventions. This advanced practice workshop brings together Parents Plus Facilitators working in disability settings both within early intervention (0-6) and school age teams ( 6-18) under progressing disability.

Workshop content includesPPEY Umbrella

  • Parents Plus guidelines on running groups in disability services
  • Presentations from practitoners working in disability
  • Launch of Parents Plus Disability research project
  • Networking opportunities to meet other facilitators

If you are interested in presenting or providing a short input on your practice (5-10 mins) or helping to run a break out group, please email sinead@parentsplus.ie.

This workshop is designed for
1) trained Parents Plus facilitators who are looking to develop their practice and 2) professionals working in disability settings who are considering Parents Plus training in the future. See here for details of full Parents Plus training.

Cost of attendance is €50 euro, or free for practitioners who present or assist above or practitioners who agree to participate in the Parents Plus Disability Research Project.

Registration

Parents Plus Programme Cover Photos

Parents Plus is an Irish charity that develops practical, evidence-based parenting and mental health programmes. We train professionals working with children and families to deliver the programmes in communities and clinical settings. Our programmes support families to communicate effectively, build satisfying relationships and overcome emotional and behavioural problems.

Our Programmes: Parents Plus have developed five flagship programmes in partnership with parents and children living in Ireland and includes their specific experiences. Our programmes combine a social learning model with a solution-focused preventative framework that encourages and empowers parents and children to ‘take charge’ and make positive changes in their lives.

Our programmes comprise of:

  • The Early Years Programme for parents of children aged 1 to 6.
  • The Children’s Programme for parents of children aged 6 to 11.
  • The Adolescents Programme for parents of adolescents aged 11 to 16.
  • The Working Things Out Programme targeted at adolescents aged 11-16.
  • Parenting when Separated Programme targeted at parents who are preparing for, going through or have gone through a separation and divorce.

Parents Plus Programmes are devised for and with Irish parents

Pause to breathe joy into parenting

How programmes devised for and with Irish parents work in a variety of situations

Tue, Nov 3, 2015, Irish Times , Sheila Wayman

‘Press the pause button” sounds simple, but it’s easier said than done not to react to a tantruming toddler, a demanding tween or a ranting teenager.

This is one of the most effective strategies that people say they take away from Parents Plus courses, a set of five parenting and mental health programmes devised in Ireland by professionals with and for parents. Stepping back from moments of drama to consider what’s really going on and the best way to address it results in a calmer parent and, consequently, a calmer child, and helps enhance the joy of family life.

It’s an approach that has worked for Dublin mother-of-two Sinéad O’Connor. She candidly admits she was at “breaking point” with her two daughters, aged five and three, whose behaviour she couldn’t control. “I was ready to get into my car and drive [away].”

So when she saw mention of “managing behaviour and tantrums” on an ad for a Parents Plus course in the older girl’s school in Ballyfermot, she thought “it has to be a sign from God”.

The programme is run in groups over eight weeks and straight away it was a relief for O’Connor, a single parent, to discover that she was not alone. “There are other people who are feeling the same overwhelming responsibility.”

The support and advice of fellow parents is key during Parents Plus programmes, which almost 400 professionals a year in Ireland and the UK are now being trained to deliver within their services or communities.

The group factor is huge, agrees Breeda Hallissey, deputy manager of Clarecare Family Support team in Ennis, which runs a number of different Parents Plus programmes.

“For parents who feel their child is very difficult, it can help them realise that there are things that their child is doing well and that other parents are talking about issues that they don’t have to deal with.”

Lisa Coote did the early years programme in Ennis while waiting 18 months for a diagnosis for her three-year-old son, Aaron, who is on the autism spectrum. It was a huge turning point for her and her partner, Niall Rooney, who were nearly afraid to leave the house with him at the time due to his frequent meltdowns.

After starting the course, she says, “I could see the difference in Aaron; his behaviour, how we could manage the tantrums better.” He was nonverbal, but one session about play interaction on the floor showed her how to encourage him to talk.

“We wouldn’t have thought to use that time to start our own speech therapy,” she says. “Within the eight weeks he was saying phrases and words he had never said before.”

What they learnt, she adds, “gave us the confidence to seek more answers, to push for a diagnosis and push to get into Aaron’s world”.

Parents Plus was founded in 1998 by consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist Prof Carol Fitzpatrick and former social worker and The Irish Times parenting columnist Dr John Sharry, and became a registered charity under the auspices of the Mater hospital, Dublin, in 2001.

“The Parents Plus programme is as effective as the best international programmes I have seen, and outstanding because it has been developed collaboratively with parents and families in Ireland,” according to Prof Alan Carr, director of clinical psychology training at University College Dublin.

He will present his analysis of the latest research on the effectiveness of Parents Plus at an international conference in Croke Park in December, entitled “Innovations in Working with Families”. In the run-up to that conference, we look at four Parents Plus programmes in a variety of settings.

 

Early Years programme, age up to six years

The professional

When Laura Ward, manager of Ballybay Community Creche in Co Monaghan, was asked to train to deliver the Parents Plus Early Years programme in 2012, she was sceptical.

“I thought it would be a ‘time out’ job, and that wasn’t my thing at all. At that time there was a lot of Supernanny, and I didn’t agree with that.”

However, she says, the moment the training course started, “I got really into it and I am really passionate about it.” Common issues: Fighting; sleeping patterns; routines around dinner time; children learning to accept “no”; and parents needing to find time for themselves. Key messages: Ward’s favourite tip is pressing the pause button. “I think it helps all situations: it helps the child, and it helps the parents as well. Otherwise you go in gung ho, shouting and roaring, and you’re more upset than the children are.”

She also believes it is important that parents tune in to children. “The child may have a genuine concern and needs to know that they will be listened to.”

The parent 

Donna Gray was exasperated by how her sons fought all the time. “I was pulling my hair out with the two of them,” she says of Alex and Jake, now aged seven and four. “They just couldn’t be in the same room together. The minute I’d leave they would be fighting over something.”

So when she heard about the course through the Ballybay creche she thought it would be good to listen to other parents’ perspectives.

Most valuable advice: “I got a good few tips,” she says, including, “breathe before you step in”. But a suggestion from another parent that worked best was, because the boys were always fighting over toys, to have a “share box”.

They agreed to put toys in this box that both could play with, without any squabbles; they also each have an individual box of toys. This had an instant calming effect, and there are share boxes upstairs and downstairs.

“They get on quite well now and very rarely fight,” adds Gray, who recommends the course to other parents: “You’ll always get something out of it.”

Children’s programme, age six to 11

The professional

“Upskilling of parents”

is how Anne-Marie McGovern, a home-school liaison teacher in Ballyfermot, Dublin, describes the course that she has been rolling out through nine local schools. It is open to any parent but is also specifically recommended to parents with whom she, or partner agencies, may be working.

They try to get a balance between fairly confident parents who would just like a few extra tips and those who are “really in despair”, she says.

The courses are run on the shared campus of St Gabriel’s, St Michael’s and St Raphael’s, where McGovern works, where it is easy for parents to attend.

Common issues: Bedtime; morning routine; and tantrums. There are also many issues around coparenting.

Key messages: Feedback from participants is that “pressing the pause button” is one of the most valuable strategies, says McGovern. If the child is having a tantrum in the kitchen, walk into the living room.

“The more you react, the more the child is going to keep going,” she points out.

Parents also find that positive attention works; catch your child being good. Prevention strategies are also looked at; recognising when bad behaviour is likely to kick off. For example, if children are likely to act up in the supermarket, give them little jobs to do – or say, “I am really looking forward to seeing how good you are at helping me with the shopping” – rather than warning “don’t do this” and “don’t do that”.

 

The parent 

Single parent Sinéad O’Connor was at the end of her tether about the behaviour of her daughters, five-year-old Khloe and especially three-year-old Millie.

“The tantrums were getting out of control and I was feeling a bit overwhelmed,” she says.

Most valuable advice: “What really worked for me more than anything else was me taking a step back. Initially, when the tantrum started or the behaviour started I would have gone in guns blazing – screaming and losing the head.

“Let her have her tantrum. When she’s calmed down and finished, then we can talk about it and resolve the issues, well, try to resolve the issues.”

Is it a calmer house since she did the course? “It is and it isn’t,” she says honestly. “You are always going to have your bad days. I’d say 80 per cent of it has calmed down. I definitely have a grasp on managing the behaviour, and a better understanding of it.”

 

Adolescents programme

The professional

Fina Doyle is a social worker with Teen Counselling, and some of the parents who are on the Parents Plus programme she runs have adolescents who are on the waiting list for counselling.

Sometimes parents have got so much out of the programme and things have improved so much at home that they decide the teenager no longer needs counselling.

Parents work hard within the group, she says. They are encouraged to look at things from both their own and the teenager’s perspectives. It is a strength-based programme, focusing on the positives in any given situation.

“That is really empowering and really encouraging for people,” she says. “As a practitioner, it is a lovely way to work.”

Common issues: “Very mixed,” says Doyle. “Sometimes it would be general stuff: not getting on, not talking; then more severe difficulties, behaviour problems, teens not coming home at night.”

Some parents may have a teenager with a diagnosed disorder “but that’s the beauty of the programme, it still applies”, she explains.

Key points: “That parents really matter in the lives of their teenagers,” says Doyle, even though they are separating from their parents. They may start doing things that their parents don’t like, but that’s normal.

The importance of being a positive parent and really getting to know your teen is also stressed.

“The golden rule is respectful communication and there are lovely tips around that,” she adds.

 

The parent

Suzie’s* son was always “quite a lively child” but “once he hit the dreaded teens and went into secondary school, the behaviour really started to kick off”, she says.

He had been diagnosed with dyslexia but she felt there was something else and took him to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services. He was difficult to manage and she was looking for support, so a psychiatrist gave her a leaflet about the Parents Plus course run by Teen Counselling.

It was a relief just to meet other parents and realise her son wasn’t so bad in some respects, she explains.

“It was very well run and gave us lots of tools – how to communicate better, how to discipline – standard stuff that you might know in your head but when it actually comes to doing it, it’s not always easy to be calm and the perfect parent.

“We did practical, hands-on stuff. I might go in and say that this week he did x, y and z, and they’d get me to role play it and I’d get solid, practical tips on what I might try. I found that really helpful.”

Most valuable advice: When your child gets to the teenage stage, it is no longer about telling them they have to do something; it is more about negotiation.

“They need to feel they are being listened to rather than feel you are laying down the law,” says Suzie. “I certainly learnt from that.”

Also, you have to be alert to the one time they might be ready to communicate rather than just grunt, and to look after yourself so that you can be an effective parent.

“It never occurred to me before the course that he is a teenager so I can literally walk out and go for a walk; I don’t have to stay there and listen to the rants.”

It is also important to create opportunities to do a fun activity with teenagers. “I think I was stuck in the nagging parent role.”

A big thing for her was “my son didn’t want to be seen dead with me . . .” But she was assured that that is normal “and that really helped”.

Things were definitely better between them for months after the course but now she feels they are falling back into old patterns. However, she has found it helpful to continue to meet up with some of the group.

“As a single parent, it is quite nice to have that sort of support. I wouldn’t necessarily get it from other people.” *Name has been changed

 

Parenting When Separated programme

The professional

“It gets them to reflect on their role as parents and not as victims of a broken relationship,” says Deirdre O’Sullivan about the course for separated parents she runs at the Wicklow Child and Family Project in Wicklow town.

Although separated parents want the best for their children, they can get caught in a situation where they are doing inappropriate things and telling children things they shouldn’t hear.

“The children know about maintenance, they know about court dates. In some cases I have had children say to me ‘Mummy is taking all of Daddy’s money’,” says O’Sullivan.

While you couldn’t have former partners attending together “because their issues would impact on other people in the group”, she explains, it’s recommended that one parent attends and then the other parents goes to the next one.

“Where that doesn’t happen, you find the parent who has attended becomes very child-centred and doesn’t tend to focus on the emotional baggage. They don’t ‘buy into’ conflict situations; they don’t speak inappropriately around the children; and they are very much focused on the children being in this situation because of them.”

Common issues: “Some are quite complex,” says O’Sullivan. “We have had fathers who have had no access to their children for a number of years.” Communication is another big issue, as is parental isolation, particularly for the non-residential parent.

Key points: “Keep the children at the centre; look after yourself and seek help.” They also have to accept that they can’t dictate what goes on in the other house when their children are with the other parent.

“The programme is not a magic wand,” she tells participants, “but there will be some sort of salve on the problems if you use the tools you are given.”

For more information about the programmes see parentsplus.ie

This article can be found on the Irish Times website.